Haircut Sir???

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves. A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop an says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."
In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looked up and said, "To your house."

Not So Stupid Chicken....?

A chicken walks into a butchers
and says, "BUKARK! Can I have some sprouts, please?" But the butcher stares at him perplexed and replies, "Sorry mate, we're a butchers. We don't sell sprouts." So the chicken walks away

The next day, the chicken returns to the butchers and says, "BUKARK! Can I have some sprouts, please?" The butcher, slightly annoyed, says, "No. I told you yesterday, this is a butchers shop. We don't sell sprouts." So the chicken leaves

Next day, the chicken returns. "BUKARK! Can I have some sprouts, please?" Fuming, the butcher turns round and says, "Oi! You stupid chicken! This is the last time! I told you WE DO NOT SELL SPROUTS! If you come in here asking for sprouts again, I will nail your wings to a door!" So the chicken leaves

A week later, the chicken returns and says, "BUKARK! Can I have some nails, please?" The butchers snaps, "We don't have any nails."
"Okay, then," says the chicken, "can I have some sprouts?"

Joke of the Week

BILLION DOLLAR PROBLEM


Before you read on, you may be interested to know that this was voted Canada's favourite joke:

When Nasa first started sending up astronauts, they discovered ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, Nasa scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. The Russians used a pencil.

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Joke of the Week

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area.
A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection. The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, did you call for me?" The man replied, "No, what do you mean?"

She said, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him. "Did you call for me?" asked the hairy man. "No, what do you mean?" replied the newcomer. "You must be new." answered the hairy man, "It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she asked. "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee." "But, Sir," she replied, "you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities." "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here."



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Joke of the Week

Your TurnA very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"



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Don't Try This At Home

I tried this and all that happened was that a train came past and nearly dragged me on to the tracks......

Joke of the Week

Wisdom

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. One of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."

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